Last bout of chemo

Last lot of chemo this Friday. Hooray. The end is near.

I think I may have conjunctivitis too, though I am not 100% sure. I have seen 3 doctors and 2 of them say it is, the other says that my watery eyes is a side effect of my treatment. And a nurse has said that it's probably a side effect. I don't know who to believe! Though it doesn't matter, it's just annoying. I am wiping my eyes most of the day and it looks like I am crying all the time. Because of all the water and wiping, my eyes are getting tired very easily so I want to close them a lot. I am trying every method I know to get rid of it. Eye drops, saturating cotton wool with cooled boiled water with salt, same thing again, but with cooled camomile tea and putting cucumber slices on my eyelids every so often. I'm not sure if anything is working. They are just streaming all the time. It also might be hay fever as I know that the pollen count was high recently. Who knows. All I know that if it is a side effect then I may be like this for a few more weeks yet!

Also I have just arranged with work to go on sick leave. I find it very unproductive to be off work so regularly. I am unable to achieve a lot and it's not good for the organisation. They will get someone else in to do my work whilst I am off. My sick leave will begin from the day of my surgery until the end of my treatments, which is for at least 3 months if not 4 months. I will be paid full pay for some of the time I am off and half pay for the rest. I hadn't realised that I was able to do this, and thought that I would at least would need to go part time to maintain income coming in. I am relieved to know that I have the option to just be fully on sick leave as I am not just tired physically. I am also mentally tired from trying to keep up a work life in between being sick. I am psychologically tired as a lot has happened to my family this year so far, and I am struggling to process it all. And I am sure that I am probably tired in other subconscious ways that I am not aware of, but still feel. Work has also been emotionally taxing, because we are going through massive management changes. And whenever things of this magnitude happens in a company, inevitably there is confusion, lack of clarity of changes and staff uneasiness. It has been really tough coming into work these last few months, and it can't be good my health.

I am looking forward to just stepping away and concentrating on getting better.