It's beginning to happen. My hair is starting to fall out. Big Time. My hair has always fallen out onto the floor as part of its normal moulting process. But this is very different and a lot more. I was in the shower washing my hair and each time I took my hand away from my head, lots of hair would come away with it. To the point where it was like I was washing away my hair. I was quite distressed. In the beginning, I wasn't that bothered about losing my hair, but now that it is happening I'm quite upset. I think it is because I don't want to look like a cancer patient, I want to look normal. I don't want to look like I have an illness.
So much fell out that my hair blocked the bath's plug hole. And then when I was drying my hair with a towel, more came out. There was hair everywhere! It took me as long to clean up the bathroom as it took me to have the shower! And then when I blew dry my hair, more came out! Surprisingly enough I look like I still have a head full of hair.
I may shave it all off this weekend. It's just too distressing to watch it fall out bit by bit. And it's just all over everything. It's like living with a big cat except I'm the cat!
well Yan, even though I have no hair to speak of I can only imagine how tough that was to experience. I was having a think about it and I would say to you that so what you have hair falling out. Just because you LOOK sick doesn't mean you are any sicker. The great thing is that your hair is falling out because you're doing something about your sickness. If anything, it's a sign that you're healing!
ReplyDeletealso, if you do shave off your hair, I would also imagine that there's strength and comfort knowing that you're cutting it all off on your terms, and not losing it day by day.
anyways, just keeping up on you. bless you Yan.
You are right Derek. The fact that my hair is falling out means that the chemo is working. I'm just trying to work when to shave off my hair. I still look normal with a head full of hair. But it's just watching it fall out day by day like you said is the distressing thing. And yes, there is a small amount of satisfaction of choosing to shaving it off when I want rather losing it bit by bit. My wig arrived yesterday which is good timing. And I have bought several hats in anticipation of this. I keep telling myself 'it'll be fine, it's only temporary, it's just another look for a time. '
ReplyDeletewell, you could lop it all off and end up LOVING it. although i am a bit bias. much love!
DeleteOh, Yan, thanks for sharing. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers xx hug
ReplyDeleteDearest Yan,
ReplyDeleteI've just caught up on the last couple weeks of entries. I'm was actually surprised at just how much as happened. It must seem like a slog in the moment; I'm glad that things are moving forward for you though. As for the hair, it would be scary to shave off, but perhaps empowering as well as others have already said. I've been really into scarves lately. Those could be fun to play around with too! I have been thinking about you every day, every day you are in my prayers. My plan is to write you a big long email soon, too keep you busy with something to read for your next session. I'm in the middle of studying for a major professional certification right now, but I will make the time. Thanks again for this blog so we can keep updated. Hugs from Chicago.
Hi Kel, take your time with the email as I know you are busy. Good to know you are keeping up with this blog though. I really like sharing how I am doing with my friends. Makes the experience less lonely and it's good to know people are rooting for me. Love to you, Aaron and Cora.
DeleteHair and identity is indeed a strange thing. I have a friend who has alopecia and all her hair fell out when she was a little girl and it's never grown back so she's always, for pretty much of her life has had no hair.
ReplyDeleteSometimes it upsets her but for the most part it's who she is and right now, it's just who you are at the moment. Hair or no hair, it doesn't make you any less Yan. Ever. X
Hi Yan, thinking of you! You will probably look really spunky with lots of cute hats and scarves and then with short hair when it grows back. Sending you loads of love from here xxxx
ReplyDeleteThank you all. You are so kind. I love the fact that you are so supportive. I am so blessed.
ReplyDelete